While on a road trip we went to dinner, not an unusual thing to happen. The conversation that transpired was completely abnormal. I was sitting next to the head coach, his girlfriend, and a few freshman players. These freshman players were the true Utah Mormon-raised-in-a-bubble type. They were the funniest girls, but just didn't understand the ways of the big bad world yet. I don't remember exactly how the conversation started. I think it started because of lyrics in a song. One of my cute little freshman girls asked a junior what spanking the monkey meant. We all kind of laughed. Thought it was a joke. Who doesn't know that term?! We started blurting out other terms that were similar. She still didn't understand what we were talking about. At that point Coach enters the conversation - bad timing on his part. The freshman asks him point blank "What does spanking the monkey mean?"
Coach was stunned. You could see the wheels turning in his head. He was wondering how to answer this question without being fired. There is no way to answer this question without having your job in jeopardy. His face becomes red, all of us gasp and start hysterically laughing, and the uncomfortable silence on his part and on the part of the freshman continues. I think she realized it was a dumb question, but wasn't sure why it was dumb. Coach just said "I don't know." Very graceful way to bow out of the conversation. He turns around and pretends the conversation didn't happen.
On our way out of the restaurant we explain to our little freshman girl what it meant. She was mortified! Totally embarrassed - as she should be! She couldn't look Coach in the face for days.
This leads me to another awkward story about these 2. On the same road trip, we went swimming in the ocean. Great time. Enjoyed playing on the beach, having swimming races, etc. Yes I have a pretty freaking awesome job!!! This was a rough day at the office for me. We ignored the jellyfish warnings that were posted all over the beach. We needed a swim and weren't really concerned about being stung. Even after we saw a half-dead jelly laying on the beach. In true girl fashion, we attempted to save it's life rather than have it die a slow death on the sandy beaches of Montevideo. Although I must admit if I had to die, the beach wouldn't be too bad of a place to go. Anyway, I digress.
After about an hour or so of playing 4 of my girls come running up to me. They were screaming. I was trying to understand what was being said. Finally through the commotion I get that my little freshman (the awkward question asker) was stung by a jelly. This is ironic because an hour prior when they asked why we were swimming in the jelly infested waters, I said "eh, it's no big deal, just pee on it if you get stung." They didn't believe me and were totally grossed out by the medical treatment I was suggesting.
My poor little freshman was screaming for me to pee on her. I couldn't help but laugh. Afterall, this is a very odd request. I informed her that I had just peed a minute ago and she was out of luck. She ran around to the entire team, no luck. No one had to pee. She finally gathered up the courage to ask Coach. He, yet again, was concerned about his job and politely declined the request. Poor little freshman was in pain, his wife said she'd do it. She took the empty water bottle, ran into the bathroom and filled it. My little freshman had to pour Coach's wife's urine on her jellyfish sting.
Coach, his wife, and the freshman were all mortified. This is not a normal day in the life of a coach, but then again, there are no normal days when working with athletes. The team joked for days about urine, jellyfish, and monkeys. Provided many laughs.
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