Drive Thru Diets

What has our world come to when all of the fast food chains are offering a "diet" menu. I just saw the epitome of great marketing. Taco Bell (yes, that horrible, E-coli laced "restaurant") has just announced it's "Drive Thru Diet" plan. Christine (their version of the Subway Jared) lost 54 pounds in 2 years by eating at Taco Bell! What a diet!!!

Taco Bell has artfully come up with 7 new options with less than 9 grams of fat per serving. Sounds semi healthy doesn't it? Especially since those 9 grams of fat will cost you about $2; yes for the low, low price of $2 you too can get 9 grams of fat. It's such a steal! But, let's not forget that 3 of the 7 options have 1/2 of your daily value of sodium. So, not only will you risk the health of your gut by exposing it to E-coli, but you will also be increasing your blood pressure. What a deal!

Let's say that you do try this "diet" but are you just going to eat that Fresco Bean Burrito? Probably not; you will go for the Fresco Bean Burrito (340 calories, 8 grams of fat, and 1290 mg of sodium), Nachos Supreme (at 440 calories, 800 mg of sodium, and 24 grams of fat), and a 40 ounce Diet Pepsi (after all, you are on a diet!). But that Diet Pepsi will pack 125 mg more of sodium (but has 0 calories). So, if you just partake of those 3 items, you are consuming a total of 780 calories (actually not too bad all things considering), 2215 mg of sodium (just 85 mg shy of your daily value - which means you have to have just water the rest of the day, no food, nothing, just water in order to not exceed the daily value), and 32 grams of fat. But let's face it, you probably aren't going to have just one Fresco Bean Burrito, you may have two, or you may upgrade your nacho supreme to a Nacho BellGrande, but the good thing is you will probably stick with the Diet Pepsi. Good for you! If you go for any other beverage (besides water) you will add at least 200 more calories and God only knows how much sugar and sodium.

Now, let's talk about your vegetables and fruit. Where are the veggies and fruit in your meal? Um, nowhere! How about the fiber? The average adult should be consuming about 35 grams of fiber a day. The previously mentioned meal has 19 grams of fiber, not too bad for a meal. But you have to remember beans have fiber. So, if you opt for a different option on the Fresco menu, you won't get as much fiber; in fact 4 of the 7 options have 3 grams or less of fiber. Hmmm, how are you going to poop if you don't get fiber? Oh right, stool softeners. Don't even get me started on the prescription drugs we have to take because of our diets.

I have provided the link to the Drive Thru Diet for you to peruse. Oh and I also provided the link to the government's MyPyramid (previously known as the Food Guide Pyramid). Please enjoy!

http://drivethrudiet.com/

http://www.mypyramid.gov/

Innocence At It's Finest

Soccer road trips provided a ton of laughs. The road trips provided time to get to know the players on a more personal level. We would rent 4 or 5 minivans and the girls would pile in. The drives to and from the airport were a little cramped (tons of luggage, tired of being on a cramped plane, etc). The freshmen had to carry the equipment, they had to make sure the soccer balls made it on the plane, to the field, etc. This particular freshman was a cute little LDS girl, innocent but not afraid to laugh at herself. She was in charge of the soccer balls this trip. She was also the last to get into the minivan and the other girls made her sit in the middle seat. Pretty uncomfortable for the drive.

She sits down and loudly protests, "Why do I have to get the balls and the shaft on this trip!"

I turn around from my drivers seat and yell her name. The girls break out in hysterics. She buries her face in her hands utterly embarrassed.

Don't worry, she never got the balls and the shaft again. We made sure she was taken care of on road trips.

Thank God For Max Hall

This weekend marked the annual Holy War between University of Utah and BYU. They are arch rivals (at least as much of a rivalry us wimps in Utah can afford - you want rivalry go to the UNC/Duke basketball game, the Florida/Florida State football game, USC/UCLA football game, etc). It came down to the wire (as it usually does); BYU won in overtime. Alas, I was upset because I am a Ute through and through. The game didn't outrage me, however. It was a good fight on both sides of the ball. In fact, it was a very good football game. I was happy to watch the battle. The game was very heated. There were many penalties for unsportsmanlike conduct. Rivalries get the best of any player, I understand that. I understand that there was probably trash talking from both teams. That is to be expected. What more can you expect from 18-22 year old boys. Actually, when it comes to BYU the age range is more like 18-26! Yes, that's because of the missions.

After the game, as usual, the star players are shoved into a press conference. I don't necessarily agree with allowing players to go into a press conference before they go into the locker room to calm their emotions. We have seen it time and time again coaches and players making fools of themselves because they are still in the heat of the battle. Max Hall (QB/senior/captain for BYU) was the obvious choice for a press conference. He made the game winning pass. Great! Let's hear from him. But first should we allow him to take his pads off??? You be the judge...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pe7ZyfQ0ic&feature=related

For those of you who don't want to watch the youtube.com video here's the actual words he used. "A little bit, yeah. I don't like Utah. In fact, I hate them. I hate everything about them. I hate their program, I hate their fans, I hate everything... So it felt really good to send those guys home...They didn't deserve it. It was our turn, and our turn to win. We deserved it. We played as hard as we could tonight. And it felt really good, again, to send them home, to get them out of here, and so it is a game I will always remember." Max Hall continued, "I think the whole university, their fans and their organization is classless. They threw beer on my family and stuff last year, and they did a whole bunch of nasty things, and I don't respect them, and they deserved to lose."

Now, I'm a Utah fan so this might seem a little one sided. I get that. But alas, this is my blog not yours! When that cute girl from University of New Mexico beat up a BYU girl during a soccer game, bet your ass BYU was up in arms. It made national news. Why is that?! Is it because girls should be made of sugar and not spice? Why is it ok for Max Hall to say he hates the entire Utah organization and nothing will happen to him. Elizabeth Lambert (the UNM soccer player) was suspended for a year due to her actions. What will happen to Max Hall? Max Hall is now the face of BYU, not to mention Mormons, and ultimately the state of Utah. Yes, unfortunately, outside of our little bubble, people hear Utah and automatically associate it with Mormons. Therefore, Max Hall is the spokesman for us. Don't let him get away with such bad sportsmanship.

Here's his retraction, “I made comments toward the entire University [of Utah] that were really directed specifically at those fans in [Rice-Eccles Stadium]. It was not intended to be directed at the entire organization and all of their fans and I apologize that it came out that way. I have the upmost [sic] respect for Kyle Whittingham, his coaching staff, and the Utah football players. I apologize to them and other members of the university for my comments. I’m also sorry if my comments took anything away from my teammates and coaches and our victory Saturday.” First of all Max Hall, learn how to spell - it's utmost not upmost - what are they teaching you at BYU?

OK, so here's my attempt to be fair and unbiased. Now, I'm unsure how beer was spilled on your family Max Hall, Utah's campus is a dry campus. There are no beer sales in Rice-Eccles Stadium. Oh wait! That's right, those devils in red can smuggle alcohol into sporting events (yes Utah is the devil school, just look at their colors). But maybe the fans weren't meaning to spill beer on your family. Maybe, just maybe, they were inviting you into their gang. You know, like pouring one out for the homies. See, it was a peace offering, not a reason to hate.

Grow up Max Hall!

Quote of the Day

"I don't like to spend money, unless it's on something cool....like Legos."

Atomic Balm

Atomic Balm is a type of Icy Hot, except it's extremely hot when applied to the skin. Hence the Atomic Balm name. Inevitably every year the seniors can talk some poor freshman into rubbing Atomic Balm on some random body part and the freshman has to go through the entire football practice with their hands, legs, or something on fire. Occassionally, the seniors can talk the freshman into applying Atomic Balm on their genitalia. Now, I'm no genius, but I am not about to apply any type of balm to my genitalia unless I know exactly what it does. I'm not going to take someone else's word for it. Especially when the word Atomic is in the title.

This year, a few of our seniors talked a Poly into applying Atomic Balm on his genitalia. This Poly is a senior as well. It's not in his culture to apply sports rub on an injury (see previous posts). The way this transpired was rather interesting. While taping the ankles of the senior pranksters, I was listening to their conversation about applying Atomic Balm to this Poly's leg. He was scared. Didn't really trust the pranksters. Frankly, I wouldn't either. The Poly asked me what I thought. My reply was "I wouldn't trust them. Don't do it."

He didn't listen to me. Apparently he took some of the balm, went into the locker room and the pranksters talked him into rubbing it on his genitalia. I had no idea this was going on. Not that I was going to stop him, but hey, ignorance is bliss.

About an hour later, I go out to practice. The coaches are laughing and the poor Poly looks like he's in pain. Things start to click. A coach yells across the field asking if I have any treatment for this ailment. I laugh and said "No way! That's his fault for not listening to me!"

Apparently, he had applied the balm, it started to become extremely hot (hence Atomic Balm) and decided to wash it off. Well, Atomic Balm is activated by rubbing and water. Not a good idea to attempt to wash it off. This just made matters worse. He had to suffer through the entire practice with his little friend on fire.

Laziness

OK, this post has nothing to do with my athletes, but it's about physical activity...close enough right?! While taking my extremely cute niece and her BFF trick or treating on Halloween I noticed a trend. A new trend. I have never seen this before. It is the epitome of laziness. We were in a normal Sandy neighborhood, trick or treating on a nice Halloween evening. It was not overly cold, not stormy, there should be no complaints.

Apparently there's no need to actually walk with your child as they go door to door begging for candy. This started with a cute little girl walking down the street. She was about 3 years old, so cute. She was pushing a doll stroller down the street, as she got closer I realized that her pug was sitting, actually strapped, in the stroller. Her pug was dressed as a princess. I thought this was so cute. As she walked away from us I noticed that she was dressed as the horse (or unicorn - not sure). I thought this was soooo adorable. What is cuter than a 3 year old dressed as a horse and her favorite 4 legged buddy as the princess? Then something struck me. Where are her parents?! She was all alone walking down the street.

As I turned around to watch this cutie pie walk down the street I noticed a white SUV creeping along behind her. My immediate reaction was to fear for this child. She was being followed by a creepy person. She went up to a door, rang the door bell, the car stopped in front of the house. She moved on, the car followed. Then I realized HER PARENTS WERE IN THE CAR!!! WTF! Are you kidding me?! You are too lazy to actually take your child trick or treating that you must make her walk alone down the street as you sit in your SUV?!

I was shocked. As a "part time mom" (that's what my cute niece said about me one day) I would never make her walk down the street alone and go door to door talking to strangers. I would never pass up the opportunity to share a special day with her. The joys of taking kids trick or treating are that you can make memories. Put them in their wagon, pull them down the street, joke with them, laugh with them, let them feel grown up by going to the door by themselves, but stand at the end of the driveway making sure they are ok. My niece is 8 years old, this little girl was 3. I walked side by side with my niece, but these parents let this cute little girl walk alone.

I was astounded, I was hoping it was just this lazy parent that didn't walk with their kid. A few minutes later, I noticed another car doing the same. Then another. Then another. WTF people! Now this neighborhood does some extremely fun activities, don't miss out parents. There's a family that barbeque's hot dogs, another house provides doughnuts for the parents, another house has a haunted house in their garage, the headless horseman rides through the neighborhood. Why miss out on the festivities?! There's hundreds of kids running around, zig-zagging across streets comparing candy and running to "the best houses." There's no way I'd drive my car and miss out on the hot dogs and doughnuts, but more importantly there's no way I'd drive my car with this many kids running around the neighborhood. I would be afraid to hit a child.

Parents, this is my plea. Please don't teach your children that it's ok to sit in your car while they go and knock on stranger's doors. Please don't miss out on the opportunity to play with your kids. Please don't teach your children that being in your car is more important than walking down the street. Please teach them the value of good ol' fashioned exercise. Yes, trick or treating is considered exercise! I know, exercise CAN be fun! Who knew!

Monkeys and Jelly Fish

While on a road trip we went to dinner, not an unusual thing to happen. The conversation that transpired was completely abnormal. I was sitting next to the head coach, his girlfriend, and a few freshman players. These freshman players were the true Utah Mormon-raised-in-a-bubble type. They were the funniest girls, but just didn't understand the ways of the big bad world yet. I don't remember exactly how the conversation started. I think it started because of lyrics in a song. One of my cute little freshman girls asked a junior what spanking the monkey meant. We all kind of laughed. Thought it was a joke. Who doesn't know that term?! We started blurting out other terms that were similar. She still didn't understand what we were talking about. At that point Coach enters the conversation - bad timing on his part. The freshman asks him point blank "What does spanking the monkey mean?"

Coach was stunned. You could see the wheels turning in his head. He was wondering how to answer this question without being fired. There is no way to answer this question without having your job in jeopardy. His face becomes red, all of us gasp and start hysterically laughing, and the uncomfortable silence on his part and on the part of the freshman continues. I think she realized it was a dumb question, but wasn't sure why it was dumb. Coach just said "I don't know." Very graceful way to bow out of the conversation. He turns around and pretends the conversation didn't happen.

On our way out of the restaurant we explain to our little freshman girl what it meant. She was mortified! Totally embarrassed - as she should be! She couldn't look Coach in the face for days.

This leads me to another awkward story about these 2. On the same road trip, we went swimming in the ocean. Great time. Enjoyed playing on the beach, having swimming races, etc. Yes I have a pretty freaking awesome job!!! This was a rough day at the office for me. We ignored the jellyfish warnings that were posted all over the beach. We needed a swim and weren't really concerned about being stung. Even after we saw a half-dead jelly laying on the beach. In true girl fashion, we attempted to save it's life rather than have it die a slow death on the sandy beaches of Montevideo. Although I must admit if I had to die, the beach wouldn't be too bad of a place to go. Anyway, I digress.

After about an hour or so of playing 4 of my girls come running up to me. They were screaming. I was trying to understand what was being said. Finally through the commotion I get that my little freshman (the awkward question asker) was stung by a jelly. This is ironic because an hour prior when they asked why we were swimming in the jelly infested waters, I said "eh, it's no big deal, just pee on it if you get stung." They didn't believe me and were totally grossed out by the medical treatment I was suggesting.

My poor little freshman was screaming for me to pee on her. I couldn't help but laugh. Afterall, this is a very odd request. I informed her that I had just peed a minute ago and she was out of luck. She ran around to the entire team, no luck. No one had to pee. She finally gathered up the courage to ask Coach. He, yet again, was concerned about his job and politely declined the request. Poor little freshman was in pain, his wife said she'd do it. She took the empty water bottle, ran into the bathroom and filled it. My little freshman had to pour Coach's wife's urine on her jellyfish sting.

Coach, his wife, and the freshman were all mortified. This is not a normal day in the life of a coach, but then again, there are no normal days when working with athletes. The team joked for days about urine, jellyfish, and monkeys. Provided many laughs.

Fan Favorite

This is quite possibly the fan favorite of all my athlete stories. This has been told and retold at numerous parties. I do have to warn you, if you are offended by foul language this probably isn't the story for you to read, but it's totally worth it.

This all started during 2-a-days with football, I was an athletic training student and trying to find my place in this "boy's club" I call a job. I was taping the ankles of Gump. He was a freshman, extremely irritating, and had developed a crush on me. Gump was an offensive lineman, which doesn't boast well for him. O-linemen are notorious fat and sloppy guys. I had obviously pissed God off and my penance was to tape Gump's ankles every day for a year.

One early morning I was taping Gump's ankles, his buddy, J, hopped up on the taping table next to him. J asked Gump if I was good at taping ankles. His reply "She's the best." Knowing what I know now, I probably should have just smiled politely and ignored the rest of the conversation. But I hadn't developed my athlete filter yet and I blurted out "Of course I am" or "You know it." Something along those lines.

Gump smirked and said "She even gets my sexual innuendos."

At this point I knew I was in for some trouble. I politely bowed out of the conversation, ears still listening.

J asked "What's a sexual endo?"

I started laughing because all I could picture were 2 people entangled in each others bodies falling off the bed or something that would necessitate the word ENDO. (***endo is slang for a large fall)

Gump said "No, not endo, innuendo. It's like when you say something that's not sexual but it can be sexual."

J, so wanting to understand the meaning behind this brand new word, asked "Oh! Like B@#$% suck my dick?"

At this point, I'm looking around for someone to validate this story. I was the only one around. No one was there to witness the fine brainpower of a few collegiate football players. I was stunned and didn't participate in the conversation.

Gump said "No, that's not an innuendo dumb ass."

The phrase sexual innuendo has never been the same for me. I am forever tainted by Gump and J and their stupidity. This is when I realized that we, as a society, idolize these people and for what?!

Nose Plugs

When athletes get bloody noses, we have this wonderful invention called a nose plug. Think of a tampon but for your nose. It's great. Athletes love them because you can just shove this tampon-like invention up your nose and continue playing.

We had a foreign exchange student get a bloody nose once. The coach explained that he needed to put this up his nose and he could continue participating in the sporting event. Coach forgot all about the bloody nose and went on about his life. A few days later the athlete comes to the nurse stating his nose hurt. She looks up his nose and yes, there is the nose plug still in his nose. He didn't know that he could take his nose plug out of his nose once he stopped bleeding - coach neglected to explain that part thinking it was common sense. (With athletes nothing is common sense) The nurse proceeds to take the nose plug out and send the athlete on his way.

Later the coach was telling me about the incident. We were laughing. His response "I was really worried about toxic shock syndrome!"

Where The Wild Things Are

While sitting at a soccer game today, I overheard this conversation. These are the exact words. I have not altered this story in any way. This actually happened. I could not make this up even if I tried. I am not that creative.

Boy 1: "Lets go to a movie. I wanna see Where The Wild Things Are."

Girl: "That looks really good."

Boy 2: "I don't want to see it yet, I want to read the book first."

I was stunned. Afterall, the book has literally 9 sentences...9! It can't be that difficult for a high school kid to read. I really wanted to turn around and say "They roared their terrible roar and rolled their terrible eyes and gnashed their terrible teeth and showed their terrible claws." But I refrained. Yes, I realize it would have been a great ending to this story, but alas I'm a chicken.

The joys of Generation Technology (Gen Tech) is that they don't have to read. If the book is any good they will eventually make it into a movie and if the movie is any good they will mass market the product - making video games, board games (I forsee Where The Wild Things Are-opoly), McDonald's toys and iPhone apps. Who needs to read a classic book when you can just play the video game or download the app?

Half Way to 50

While sitting in the training room one fine day I overheard 2 freshman football players discussing dating older women. These boys were 18 years old, first semester at college - they were livin' the dream. After a few minutes I interject asking what constituted an older woman. Here's how the conversation went.

"21. 21 years old is an older woman."

I chuckle.

"But I'd never date someone who was 23, that is sooo old! Can you imagine?!"

Me: "Hey, I'm 25, be nice."

"Oh my God! You are half way to 50. You are so old!"

"Get out of my training room! Now!"

"But don't feel bad, I'm half way to 36." Literally trying to make me feel better, as if being 36 was so old and anywhere near the half century mark.

"That makes me feel worse. Get out NOW!"

They leave with their tails between their legs. For months, whenever they would see me they would joke about a "half way party." Damn kids.

Karma...

A little back story before I post this email I sent to my mom. While working a junior varsity baseball game in the spring I get called to the opposing team's dugout. A kid got hit in the left eye with a pitch. He is a right handed batter, was going in for a bunt and the pitch hit him in the eye. We had a great time making fun of this kid. While sitting in the dugout we joked about "keeping your eye on the ball" and other equally humorous one liners. Later that night, I show up to quilt night, proceed to make fun of this kid to the girls. We had a great laugh. Then this experience happend less than a week later. This is the actual email I sent to my mom the day of the incident. Enjoy.

OK, so do you remember at quilt night I made fun of a kid who got hit in the face by a pitch while trying to bunt? Remember how I said "How stupid must you be?! He didn't even move!" Remember that?! Do you?! So, karma's a bitch. By the way, I need to fill my karma bucket badly. Today, I'm sitting at work, sitting in the dugout (well, not inside the dugout, just at the top of the stairs) and karma got back at me for making fun of that kid. I was kind of paying attention, kind of not - my fault. Just then a foul ball comes whizzing into the dug out, the coach that was standing by me ran for his life. What do I do? Nothing, I watch the ball hit me. Hit me square in the thigh, right on my phone in my pocket. Yes, that brand new phone that I got because my old one broke. I hear a crunch. All the kids and coaches were concerned, my boss came running over to make sure that I didn't break my hip. It didn't hurt really. I've been hit worse, and it didn't hit me, it hit my phone.

Yep, my phone is broken. And the real bummer is that I didn't save my contacts to the SIM card! OOPS! Karma, she's a bitch sometimes! But the good news is I have a pretty cool indent in my thigh in the shape of my phone. I'm sure I'll have a pretty good bruise. I'm not kidding, that foul ball came at me at about 900 mph. It was like slow motion, I saw the ball coming but I didn't move an inch, not one single inch. It's a little tender, not too bad. Like I said I've been hit with worse. So, my dear mother, your daughter is an idiot. I'm sure my team is sitting at home telling their parents this story, telling them that their trainer is an idiot. I'm sure the conversation goes something like this "OMG! Our trainer is so dumb, she didn't even move when a foul ball came at her! Who does that? Who doesn't move when a ball comes at her?"

Please let this be a lesson to you, don't make fun of those that are stupid. It will come back to bite you in the ass, well actually the thigh.

Close-ies

I'm not exactly sure how to spell this word, but this is the best way I came up with. Close-ies. Yes, the word close (as in being near something) with 'ies' at the end. While working with a ski team I gained valuable insight into the world of athletes. Some of my best stories come from this team. We had a great time. Laughed a lot, drank even more. This particular story involves alcohol, I know hard to believe, but go with me on this one.

While at a regional competition (the last competition for some of my athletes), my athletes decided they needed to party. It was the last time the entire team would be together. Why not celebrate? Well, this celebration started just a tad too early. Between 1st and 2nd run to be exact! The team headed down to the lodge bar between 1st and 2nd runs. It was a beautiful, warm, perfect spring skiing day. (Don't worry, I wasn't there for the drinking - I just got to deal with the drunkards later) The story goes like this...1 athlete (we'll call him B) didn't have a particularly great 1st run. He decided to drown his sorrows in the bar. Normally this is not an unusual occurrence for alpine skiers. B decided to make a go of it and ski his 2nd run. But by this time he was drunk. Yes, it's about noon on a school sanctioned athletic event. I'm sure he wasn't the only athlete in the bar. On his 2nd run, B stops half way down the course on "coaches knoll" (it was a slalom run), grabs a beer from the assistant coach, chugs the beer, gives the head coach a hug and continues down the course. His time was obviously not very fast, but he finished the race. WAY TO GO B! ***Side note: the assistant coach just read this story - he claims he had "nothing to do with the alleged event" it was apparently the head coach who handed the beer to B.

In celebration of B's last race (and a few other's as well) the team stops at the bar before heading back to the condo. Yes it's about 4pm now, but for all you skiers, you know it's the perfect time to partake of a ice cold beverage. Might be too early for some, but not for us skiers!!! The team proceeds to get drunk. No I was not there! Trust me!!!

Skip ahead, miss out on some minor details, no big deal. The story is still funny...

I'm sitting at the condo waiting for the alpine team to get down off the hill (I went with the Nordic team that day - thank God). I hear the van pull up. I go outside to say hi. I see E falling out of the van, still in her ski boots, ski pants down around her knees (don't worry she still had on her Spider suit) screaming. I run to help her. She is screaming something that no one can understand. The rest of the team is laughing hysterically, pouring themselves out of the van. Mind you the van is parked in the drive way, but the drive way is iced over and on a 45 degree incline. Not an easy task for those of us that are sober, poor drunkards. I started laughing, unsure what I was getting myself into. E tries to jump out of the van and falls. Luckily I'm there to catch her. She is still screaming a word I don't comprehend "CLOSE-IES! CLOSE-IES! CLOSE-IES!" I'm trying to figure out what she is meaning while holding her up, but she is running (the best she could in ski boots on an iced over hill). At this point I'm totally confused, but entertained to say the least. I push E up the hill (literally push her up the hill) while she is screaming at the top of her lungs "CLOSE-IES!" I get her into the house, she runs to the bathroom. Comes out as we are unloading the van and thanks me for saving her. I asked her what the hell she was talking about with the word close-ies. Here's her explanation...

"You know when you have to go to the bathroom in the car - it's not too bad, but you have to go? Then when you turn onto your street and all of the sudden you really gotta go? Then you pull into the drive way and the urge gets worse? Then you can hardly hold it until you get to the bathroom?"

My stunned yet cautious reply is "Yes."

She said "That's close-ies! The closer you get to your house the more you have to pee!" It was so matter of fact - like she couldn't believe I didn't know what she was talking about.

So the next time you have to use the bathroom in the car and the urge gets stronger you should yell "CLOSE-IES!"

Black Magic or Medicine?

While treating an athlete today, I was explaining how infrared light therapy worked. I explained that it's a "magical light" that stimulates cell growth and promotes healing. This was the easiest way to explain light therapy to the high school senior. Through the course of rehab I had to explain how ultrasound worked (he was asking Why questions like a 3 year old). I explained that there is a crystal inside the ultrasound head that expands and contracts causing sound waves which enter the body's tissues causing cellular friction, thus resulting in heat. My athlete, a bonafied smart ass, laughed and said that I'm applying black magic to heal his injury (crystals and lights). He then asked if we could sacrifice a chicken. I told him yes, but only after I burned the proper incense and cast the proper spell.

This got me thinking...is athletic training black magic or medicine? Do we apply tape for a "magical" fix or is it really helping? Do we really believe that this red light penetrates through 3-4 centimeters of tissue and targets damaged tissues? Does this crystal really heat a muscle? Or should I be burning incense and sacrificing chickens? Do the Polynesian's (Poly's) have it right - witch doctors and healing men. Was it the "magical" leaf that we wrapped on an athlete's foot or was it the compression wrap that removed the swelling? Is it true that my athlete felt better after his mom and aunts walked on his knee? ***Yes, you read that right, I had an athlete hurt his knee a few years ago, yes, his mother and 2 aunts literally WALKED on his leg. The mother came in and explained that in the Polynesian culture walking on an injury helps it heal. I was astounded. I couldn't imagine having anyone walk on my sprained ankle, torn ACL, or whatever. Hell, most athletes don't want me to touch their sprained ankle let alone have a 300 lb woman walk on it!

Am I applying black magic or white magic? Am I Glenda the Good Witch of the East or am I the Wicked Witch of the West? You be the judge.